


remember ♝ levi ackerman

by bxndage_babe



Series: attack on titan [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Backstory, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Reader Death, attack on titan - Freeform, based off the song no plan by hozier, i don't normally write angst but i need to practice, i made myself cry writing this, im so sorry, is he ooc? probably, its kind of a fanon backstory i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 09:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxndage_babe/pseuds/bxndage_babe
Summary: levi remembers you
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Reader
Series: attack on titan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215110
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	remember ♝ levi ackerman

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if levi is ooc. i tried, i really did

The Survey Corps was planning something. At this point, Levi was so angry with himself and Hange he couldn’t remember what. He remembered suggesting something she didn’t like. He remembered her getting angry. He remembered her telling him you wouldn’t approve of his version of the plan. He remembered yelling at her that he didn’t care, because you were _dead_. You weren’t here to give your opinion.

He wandered aimlessly, trying to clear his mind. His mind was filled with memories of you. He remembered first meeting you. You lived with his uncle. You had lived next door before your parents had died, so his uncle had decided to take you in and raise you. He met you after Kenny had found him after his mother had died. You were his age, but you’d looked younger, with wide, curious eyes, and, at first, an almost permanently scared expression.

He remembered you staying with him after his uncle had decided that Levi knew enough. He remembered you bandaging him up at the end of every day during the time he’d made a living as a criminal. You had reprimanded him for not being careful enough, and made him promise that, the next day, he would be more careful, for you. And he would try, he honestly would, but he always came back battered and bruised, and you always looked so disappointed. He’d hated when you looked disappointed, but now he wished he could see you again, even if you were disappointed with him.

He remembered you insisting that if he joined the Survey Corps, you would too. You’d told him you weren’t ever going to abandon him. But here you were, gone, not coming back. He remembered the first time you’d tried on the uniform, how proud you’d looked. How you were happy that the two of you were pulling your lives together, out of the dirt.

He remembered the first time you’d kissed him. Just before your first mission. A chaste kiss on the lips. You’d told him that if he died, you wouldn’t forgive him. Is it hypocritical that he didn’t forgive your death? After the mission, you’d admitted to having feelings for him. He had reciprocated your feelings, and now he wondered, if he hadn’t, how differently would your death have affected him? Was it selfish that he wished he didn’t feel so angrily about your death, even all these years later?

He remembered being blissfully happy in his relationship with you. How you would pepper his face with soft kisses every chance you got. How beautifully you smiled every time he told you how much he cared for you. How, when you kissed him in the privacy of either of your rooms, the kisses would start sweetly, and slowly turn more passionate, until his lips knew every curve and oblique of your body off by heart. He remembered the first time you told him you loved him, breathlessly, after one of your private moments. He remembered _knowing_ , in that moment, telling you he also loved you, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

He remembered the day he asked you to marry him. To you, it had seemed out of the blue, but he had been considering it for a while; trying to gather up the courage to ask you to spend the rest of your lives together. Despite you thinking it was a sudden request, you had gladly agreed. You had promised you would get married after the next mission had ended. You had also wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. You had gotten your wish, but not kept your promise. He had gotten neither.

He remembered that mission gone wrong. That fateful day that had made him feel like his life had been completely ruined. Perhaps it had. He remembered how normally the day had started. How you’d greeted him with a kiss at breakfast, and made a stupid joke that had made him smile softly, reminding him of one of the many reasons he loved you. He’d give anything to hear you crack a joke again, to hear you struggle not to laugh at your own wit. He remembered going out on the mission to hunt down Titans. The Corps was attacked. You reacted just a second too late. He remembered your cry echoing through the air as a Titan plucked you off of your mount and crushed you between its fingers, and then dropped you to the ground like a discarded toy one loses interest in. He remembered Erwin ordering two of his men to drag Levi screaming and kicking away from your broken, bloodied body. He remembered Erwin visiting him after they had returned home, telling him that the doctors couldn’t bring you back.

They had pronounced you dead at 5:17 pm on a Tuesday.

He remembered telling Erwin that he wasn’t going to your funeral. He refused to enter a room full of Military Police that didn’t even respect you. They were just there so that they didn’t look like bad people. He remembered Erwin agreeing with his statement. He remembered the first time he visited your grave, almost a month after you’d died. He’d been too afraid to go before that. He resented Erwin for ordering the mission. He resented himself for not reacting faster. He resented you for insisting on waiting before you got married.

But he never hated you. Even now, years later, he still loved you. He would do anything to see you again. Hear you again, _touch_ you again. Let you run your fingers through his hair and kiss him sweetly, mumbling all about how much you loved him. He wanted to tell you how much he still loved you.

After about an hour of mindless wandering, he found himself in front of your grave. He also found that he had been followed.

‘Y/N L/N,’ Eren read off the headstone, ‘Is that the person Hange was talking about earlier?’

‘Yes,’

‘You were close with them?’

Levi was silent for a bit. Then:

‘I was going to marry her,’

‘O- oh,’ Eren looked away, ‘I’m sorry,’

In that moment, Levi buried all of his previous emotions away, hiding them like he always did. ‘It doesn’t matter anymore. She’s dead, and no force on earth can give her back,’

You’re _dead_ , and no force on earth could give you back to Levi.

**Author's Note:**

> god i am so sorry. feel free to yell at me in the comments


End file.
